Livin' the Dream: How to Get What You Want, Find
True Meaning, and Save the World by Bowling!
Jason Thomas
Paperback, 6x9 in, 164 pages
Wheatmark, July 2008
ISBN: 9781604941197
Endorsements
“The principles I learned from this book have not only
helped me to become one of the best in my sport, but also to enjoy
my success and become a happier person.”
— Robert Smith, 2000 U.S. Open bowling
champion
“Jason has hit on something amazing in this book . . . a
way to see where you want to go while still focusing on enjoying
the ride.”
Tom Clark, chief operating officer, PBA, and
former sports columnist, USA Today
“This is not a bowling book. This is truly a book about
following your dreams and never letting anyone tell you what you
can’t do. The advice is perfectly applicable to my work
counseling students.”
Lori Manson, graduate counselor, University of
Oregon
“I had a ball reading this book. I laughed out loud so
many times, people kept asking me, ‘What are you
reading?’”
Yvette Gwennap, product developer, Shell
Description
After giving up his dream of becoming a pro bowler, Jason Thomas
moved back to Southern California, took a job marketing automotive
air fresheners, and sank into a dreary, horrible depression. Then a
series of seemingly ordinary events produced a miraculous change in
Jason's outlook. He realized happiness was not wrapped up in money,
the "right job," or other material pursuits—and if he
embraced what he really wanted in life, he could accomplish
anything.
In Livin' the Dream: How to Get What You Want, Find True
Meaning, and Save the World by Bowling!, Jason draws on his
experiences as an accomplished pro bowler, as well as the lessons
he learned from highly successful individuals, to outline a proven,
easy-to-follow method for attaining any goal.
Excerpt
Everyone knows the famous Disney song “When You Wish Upon a
Star.” It is Disney’s theme song, if you will. They
played it as the intro to The Wonderful World of Disney TV
series. They play it in Sleeping Beauty’s castle at the Magic
Kingdom. And it was the cornerstone to what many consider the
greatest of the early Walt Disney animated classics,
Pinocchio. Disney’s corporate mission statement (which
is the equivalent of their company dream) reflects the message in
the song and is one of the simplest yet most profound corporate
mission statements you will ever find. Their mission is “to
make people happy.” Let’s see if anyone can find fault
with that one! (Although after reading Disney War, they may
want to think about modifying it to “To make people
happy—except for our top executives.”)
Almost everyone knows the opening lines to the song. Why
don’t we take a moment and hum (I would have written the
words down but, not surprisingly, Disney charges a pretty penny for
the rights to do such a thing in a book) the first few lines
together:
La da da da da da da/
La da da da da da da/
La da da da da da da da da - da - da
Hold on. I’m feeling a little “vehklempt.”
That tune gets me every time. Talk among yourselves. (I told you
there would be no Gregorian chants in this book, but I said nothing
about humming a little Disney tune!) Unfortunately, this is where
the pixie dust ends and reality begins for most people. Most people
think that having a dream is good—for some people—but
that dreams only come true if you’re one of the lucky ones
who have a family member high up in the business, have an MBA from
Harvard, or are 5’9” with a 36D chest and a face that
would make Claudia Schiffer bristle with envy.
To make things worse, when most people consider the achievements
of the successful people whom they read about, see on television,
watch in films, or even work for, they convince themselves that
these accomplishments are so monumental, so fantastic, so
incomprehensible, and so time-consuming that they could never
accomplish the same. But consider these facts: the world’s
richest man Bill Gates was once a college dropout. Singer and
actress Jessica Simpson once failed miserably in a Mickey Mouse
Club audition because she was intimidated by Christina
Aguilera’s performance. Golfer Tiger Woods was once a nerdy
kid who wore coke-bottle glasses and is allergic to grass (talk
about irony!). Yet all of these individuals had one thing in
common. They all knew exactly what they wanted to do and convinced
themselves that nobody was going to stop them from doing it.
So, how did these individuals decide exactly what it is they
wanted to do with their lives—and more importantly, actually
do it? I mean, wasn’t Tiger Woods born with a golf club in
his hand? Wasn’t Jessica Simpson blessed with an amazing
singing voice (and a few other amazing traits as well)?
Wasn’t Bill Gates destined to become the richest man in the
world? The answers, in three words, are no, no (well, maybe a
little bit), and no. That was actually more than three words, but
who said I could write and count at the same time?
These people had dreams, believed in their ability to achieve
them, and worked tremendously hard to get there. (Sound like
something you’ve heard in the last few minutes?) They most
certainly encountered obstacles along the way. They probably
considered giving up at times. But, when it came down to it, their
desire to live their dreams and their belief in themselves carried
them through the obstacles to the success they now enjoy today.
I’m sure the road was not exactly what they had envisioned
when they first set out to accomplish their goals. If it were that
obvious and that easy, we would all be rich, successful, healthy,
and happy. The secret, however, is that we all can be; we just need
to understand how to start by picking the right dream for us.
Picking a dream seems like an easy thing to do. There are
certain universal goals that all individuals aspire to: wealth,
success, true love, and happiness. But what do these words mean?
More specifically, how do you quantify them? That is the trick. How
much money do you want to have? What are the
parameters of success (outside of the world of Kevin
Federline)? What is true love and how long do you
want it to last? These questions are more difficult to answer, and
this is where most people begin to doubt their ability to achieve
these goals and therefore write them off before the journey even
begins. Take the following example from Malcolm Gladwell’s
best-selling book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without
Thinking, which outlines the difficulty many people have in
putting their dreams and desires into reality, using an example
from the world of speed dating:
How good is Mary at predicting what she likes in a man?
[Two researchers] can answer that question easily and what they
find when they compare what speed-daters say they want with what
they are actually attracted to in the moment is that those two
things don’t match. For example, if Mary said at the start of
the evening that she wanted someone intelligent and sincere, that
in no way means she’ll be attracted only to intelligent and
sincere men. It’s just as likely that John, whom she likes
more than anyone else, could turn out to be attractive and funny,
but not particularly sincere or smart at all. Second, if all the
men Mary ends up liking during the speed-dating are more attractive
and funny than they are smart and sincere, on the next day, when
she’s asked to describe her perfect man, Mary will say that
she likes attractive and funny men. But that’s just the next
day. If you ask her again a month later, she’ll be back to
saying that she wants intelligent and sincere.
So then, Mary’s problem isn’t that she doesn’t
know what she wants, it’s just that she doesn’t take
her standards seriously and is led astray by her impulses, which is
just as ineffective as if she had not had standards at all. Be sure
to keep this speed dating example in mind, not only as we go over
the following keys that will show how to pick the right dream for
you, but also after you have chosen your own specific dream and are
faced with doubt or other seemingly more attractive options along
the way.
The first key to picking a dream is being able to quantify
exactly what it is that you want. If you want to achieve a certain
level of wealth, outline a dollar amount that you want to reach. If
you want to achieve a certain job title, declare specifically to
yourself what job it is that you want to have. If you want to be
the best at something, strive to achieve or surpass the
accomplishments of others who were considered the best in that
field. If you want to sleep with a certain man or woman—well,
I’m sure you get the point. Once you know what it is that you
want, you will immediately give life and substance to that goal,
and, metaphorically speaking, you should be able to envision
accomplishing that goal in your mind. You will probably even begin
to see some of the obstacles and paths you will need to cross to
get there. Some paths may be short and easy; some may be long and
difficult. It all depends on how big your dream is and how close
you are to accomplishing it. This goes hand-in-hand with the speed
dating example because when you declare a dream for yourself, what
you are doing is picking a star out on the horizon that you will
follow until you reach your destination. You wouldn’t start
on a journey toward a star that represents your intended
destination and then choose to follow another star before
you’ve arrived there—unless of course you were certain
that the new path is consistent with the new dream you have decided
to pursue. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to stay the
course (just ask George W. Bush), and that is a major reason why so
few of us ever achieve the things we want in life.
Now I want to be even clearer in making the distinction between
staying the course and simply ignoring the obstacles (ask George W.
Bush about that one too – he’ll tell you) that will
inevitably be revealed when you choose your specific dream. At this
point many people decide that these obstacles make their dreams
impossible to realize. It may also cause them to decide that their
dream is too lofty and then to settle on something far less worthy
of their potential. The trick is to understand that obstacles are
nothing more than mini-goals that you must accomplish on your way
to reaching your dream. For example, let’s say you are a
midlevel sales manager and eventually want to become the CEO of
your company. You must accomplish a number of things before
reaching your dream. Some of these things might include exceeding
sales growth targets, demonstrating the ability to motivate and
lead a team, gaining a fuller understanding of the various business
units within the company, going back to school to obtain an
advanced degree, and any number of other skills that you will need
to identify. To gain these skills, you may need to occupy several
different positions at the company along the way or ask the company
to allow you to have more flexible hours while you get your degree.
As long as your dream to become the CEO of the company remains
intact, you will have a context that will allow you to map your
progress and measure your accomplishments, which will ultimately
give you the inspiration, motivation, and education you will need
to reach your dream. Never ignore or underestimate the obstacles
that stand between you and your dream. Identify them, embrace them,
understand them, and, ultimately, conquer them.
This brings us to the second key to picking your dream, which is
determining its size and scope. Sometimes the size of your dream
may be limited by doubt, fear, or lack of confidence, and hence it
may be something small. This is OK. Starting by accomplishing small
goals and then graduating to larger ones is an excellent way to
build confidence and to work your way up until you feel comfortable
chasing the big dream. Eventually, though, you must set a larger
goal or work toward a dream that would ultimately fulfill you for
life. Like our friend Mary, the speed dater, you allow doubt to
enter your mind by questioning whether you would rather be doing
something else in life. This diminishes the passion and energy with
which you pursue your dream, leading to the inability to perform to
your fullest potential. This will then set you back or push you off
the path to your dream, which ultimately leads to more doubt and
begins the cycle again. This is what I call the Cycle of Failure
and, as you’ll see, it causes people to quit or fail and
ultimately end up unfulfilled or unhappy with their lives
(we’ll talk more in-depth about the Cycle of Failure later in
this chapter and in the next chapter). It is also the reason why
you will eventually need to pick dreams that are large enough to
consume your passions and desires and that align with your values,
your interests, and your way of life.
The third key to picking the right dream is to be realistic
about the dream so that you may use your strengths to accomplish
it. Hopefully you don’t feel like I’m contradicting the
last point with this one because I’m not, and here’s
why. If you’re a D minus student in remedial math, then maybe
becoming a Nobel Prize winner in physics might not be the right
dream for you. That’s not to say that if you’re
passionate about it, that you can’t or shouldn’t try.
You just have to understand that accomplishing your dream will
require a lot of extra work on your part to improve the skills you
will need to accomplish your goal. It may also take you longer to
achieve your dream than someone who is otherwise more talented in
that particular field. But if you truly believe that you are
capable of accomplishing your dream and you are willing to put in
the work it will take to accomplish it, then I encourage you to do
it. When I think about this point, I’m reminded of the
Oscar-winning film Million Dollar Baby. In the film, Hillary
Swank’s character implores the owner of a boxing gym (Clint
Eastwood) to take her under his wing and to train her to be a
boxer. After persisting for weeks, he finally relents, and they end
up embarking on a successful journey that sees her rise to the top
of the sport of women’s boxing. In contrast, another
character, a comically slow-witted young man, is equally as
persistent but lacks the athletic ability and talent of his female
counterpart. Although Eastwood’s character tolerates the
presence of the young man in his gym (despite the constant ridicule
and dangerous physical punishment the young man suffers at the
hands of his fellow gym mates), the juxtaposition of his tragic
substory with that of Swank’s character’s meteoric rise
illustrates the sad truth that some dreams are not meant for
certain people. The importance of being realistic in picking your
dream in the beginning, then, is not only an exercise in believing
in yourself (which we will deal with in the next chapter) but also
of acquainting yourself with the real obstacles within the world
that you dream to become a part of.
Before we continue, I’d like to relate a story from my
personal life that will illustrate just how the Cycle of Failure
works to ill effect in even the most experienced individuals. I
once gave a motivational speech to the sales team with whom I
worked. I started by introducing myself, which might seem odd
considering the fact that I had worked with them for six months
already, but it was necessary to establish my credibility as I was
about to implore them to do something which I knew they would feel
was difficult or even impossible to accomplish. After outlining my
credentials (which were not that impressive if you’re the CEO
of a Fortune 500 company, but clearly illustrated that I was more
than capable of handling the job of an associate product manager),
I laid out for them exactly what I expected us to accomplish in the
next year. Of course, when they heard the astronomical sales goal I
proposed that we set our minds to accomplish in the next year,
several of them immediately professed their skepticism and tried to
convince me that we would never meet it. Instead of giving in (as
most sane people would have), I asked them for reasons why they
didn’t feel that they could accomplish that goal.
After I had thoroughly refuted four or five excuses from various
members of the team, the eldest member (with over thirty years of
sales experience at our company) spoke up. “Look, kid, I
appreciate what you’re trying to do here, and I admire your
enthusiasm, but this group has over a hundred years of sales
experience among us and we’re telling you flat out that what
you’re asking us to do here just can’t be done.”
The room grew silent. Everyone looked at me to see what I would
say. It seemed like that was it. The grandiose pipe dream that I
had just spent several minutes enumerating was already over. I
looked up, gazed around the room at the rest of the sales team one
by one, and, with resignation and defeat heavy in my voice, I said,
“Well, I guess you’re right. We can’t do
it.” Everyone looked relieved that we’d be able to
continue status quo for another year, maybe grow our business by
one or two percent and continue to lead our quiet, mediocre lives.
Relieved that they wouldn’t have to listen to some
overenthusiastic associate product manager hound them day after day
about going out and selling more air fresheners than they could
ever imagine selling.
But then I got a puzzled look on my face. I looked up again and
I asked, “So, just to clarify here. What you’re telling
me is that the reason we can’t possibly meet our sales goal
next year is because we have over a hundred years of experience
among us?” A silence passed over the room. And this
wasn’t a group that was ever at a loss for something to
say—on any subject. After the shock had subsided and the
experienced scowls turned to sheepish smiles, I explained to the
group that our collective experience made every problem out there
on the subject of selling air fresheners solvable. The group
agreed, and we spent the rest of the meeting discussing all of the
things we were going to do to meet our goal for the next year.
The lesson to take from this story is that often, the people who
are most likely to suffer from the Cycle of Failure are the ones
with the most experience. I don’t know the exact
psychological reason for this, but it seems logical that it is
because these people have had years and years of negative
reinforcement and believe steadfastly that failure (or mediocrity,
at best) is their lot in life. And because of their stature and the
perceived wisdom you assign them because of their experience, they
have the power to influence you to give up on your dreams.
Don’t ever let this happen to you! (Sorry for yelling,
but this is important.) Instead, use the advice of these kinds of
individuals to help you refine your dream, sharpen your dream,
uncover easier paths to take to help you achieve your dream, but
never, never allow them to kill your dream—at least
not without a good fight.
